Taking It a Notch Higher

I have never thought I'd hit rock bottom. Well, okay...I am exaggerating. But I guess it is all about perception.

Recently, I have decided to take it a notch higher with life. Why? Perhaps it is because I already dont know what I am doing in life. I feel like a cloud floating around without direction or purpose. Dont get me wrong, the Tao has brought a lot of changes in my life -- may it be outlook in life, perspective on things, and character. But there's just something lacking which I cant identify.

Perhaps it is so difficult to journey through uncertainty. And this journey in bliss can sometimes drown you with vexations that cause you to just drop dead and feel numb. I have been denying that I am in this state. But I guess some things just cant be denied, much more if theyre already obviously protruding in subjective exposure.

I enlisted in one personal development program which costs around 35k pesos. I almost backed out because of the cost, but a friend decided to assist me in the finances just for me to get enrolled. I did not hesitate nor did I even ask twice to grab the opportunity. There is just this longing inside me, thirsting to find myself and be able to define my journey.

There is no guarantee of change if I join the program...but then again, the guarantee can only be given by myself depending on how I deem the program as necessary. My friend told me to be open-minded and to prioritize myself...because how I look at myself will reflect on how I will look at others by how I treat them.

This is going to be difficult. But I so much appreciate my friend's commitment to get me going.

Well, this caused some frictions in my current relationship. Insecurities, threats, and envy rolled together. It was difficult to understand at first why I cant be understood. All I wanted to do was to fix my life so that I can be a better person to others in the long run. I still have yet to settle this. And I hope that my point would be taken into consideration without painful words and hurt spirits. I am serious with this relationship that I would do anything for me to be able to handle it with the best that I have and can do.

I am hoping.

What's in store for me?

I will wait. With eyes wide open.

I will wait.